GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE October, 1990

October, 1990 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE Page 11

National Coming Out Day: October 11, 1990

Coming out in California

by Keith Sutton

When my friend came home recently from a Chronicle staff meeting, he expressed his excitement about his involvement in planning the upcoming Open House. And then he said, "Oh by the way, October is Coming Out month and they want you to write your personal story for the paper". My immediate reaction was panic. My heart pounded, my ears got hot and my stomach felt as if I was at the top of Cedar Point's Magnum and was beginning the free fall to earth.

I guess my process of coming out isn't actually over. For me, coming out has been a series of steps, decisions actually,

that have moved me a little further from that early childhood feeling-fear of being found out. A fear I remember from the times I first experimented with boys in the neighbor's barn.

My first conscious decision to accept my preference for men was when I decided to go home with a singer-songwriter from Hollywood. And in the morning when he sat down at the piano and sang love songs to me, I knew immediately that I

was hooked somewhere between my lower lip and gill.

Having had to move to California to come out to myself, it wasn't until I had moved back to Ohio, and was seriously involved with my lover at the time, that I

came out to my family.

It has never been enough for me to know that my parents satisfy their parental requirement to love their son. Instead, I've consistently wanted them to know the true identity of their son and his feelings.

It was Christmas season, and I found myself at the Dayton Mall with my mom and two younger sisters. Mom and I had our first moment alone when we sat down to eat a few slices of fast-food pizza. I compulsively proceeded to grasp this private opportunity to tell her that her son was gay. So much for patience. A dozen years have since gone by and I've told my sisters somewhere along the line. But it was not until mid-June of this year that I broke the "but don't tell your father" family rule.

When the month of June began, I found myself actively involved in the formation of Stonewall-Cleveland as well as participating in programs at the Center. And then on June 16, without reservation, I marched for the first time, and with great pride, in our march through downtown Cleveland, and as fate would have it, in front of several news cameras. The latter was to be confirmed on the late news. Again as fate would have it, June 17 was Fathers Day. With pride running feverishly through my veins, I found it no longer acceptable to anticipate spending time with my parents in denial of who I am and how I feel. So I mailed a very nice Father's Day card to be followed the next day by a four-page coming out letter.

So once again I'm writing a letter. This time to our entire gay and lesbian community as well as any member of the general public who happens to read the Chronicle. I guess I'm still coming out. And now as vice president of Stonewall Cleveland and a board member of the Center, I'm sure there are going to be many future opportunities to stand up, be counted and give testimony to my ever-growing pride as a gay man. Proof positive that for me coming our has never been a single event.▼

Dykes to Watch Out For

Getting Committed

1990 BY ALISON BECHDEL

THE BIG DAY HAS ARRIVED.

Clarice Desmond Clifford

and

Antonia Norma Ortiz

requent the honor of your participation Circle of Commitment Ritial (86) and Barbecue Vaturdash

MEANWHILE, THE SITUATION BETWEEN MO

AND HARRIET IS RAPIDLY DETERIORATING

AW, HARRIET.

I FEEL STUPID

IN THIS! I'M

JUST GONNA WEAR

My STRIPED

TANK TOP.

LOOK, YOU CAN'T SHOW UP IN

SO, HOWZIT

FEEL TO BE GOING

TO YOUR OLD FLAMES WEDDING?

SOMETHING YOU WEAR EVERY DAY! CLARICE & TONI ARE PLEDGING THEIR LIFELONG COMMITMENT TO ONE ANOTHER! IT'S A MOMENTOUS OCCASION!

HON, ONE MISGUIDED ROLL

IN THE HAY WITH CLARICE HARDLY

MAKES US OLD FLAMES. I THINK SHE

AND TONI WILL BE VERY HAPPY

AND I WISH THEM WELL.

I STILL DON'T GET IT! THEY'VE MADE IT EIGHT YEARS TOGETHER! WHY DO

THEY FEEL THE NEED TO OBSERVE THIS ABSURD. PSEUDO-HET

FORMALITY?!

MO.

"NO ONE'S FORCING YOU TO COME. WHY DON'T YOU JUST STAY HOME IN YOUR STRIPED SHIRT AND

THOSE EVERLASTING JEANS

Local members of the Lesbian & Gay Community tell their stories

My inevitable development

by Faith Klasek

Donohue had the queers on again. It was sometime during the 1970's, and I was still in elementary school. My father dove in front of the television in what I assume was an effort to protect my innocence. Perhaps he feared my inevitable "development" of the "gay lifestyle" that he feigns such loathing for. But, I think he swished a little

as he reached for the dial.

I was amazed and annoyed by the urgency of his reaction. It seemed obvious to me that gays and lesbians weren't hurting anyone. And why didn't everyone just leave them alone? By that time I had probably forgotten about my first short encounter with another girl. I was five years old and she was four. I think I was born a lesbian.

But, somewhere along the line I was sexually socialized. My preteen years appeared as angst ridden and heterosexual as any. I fell head over heels in love with Jon, a sensitive and brilliant young man. My bedroom was covered with pictures of Scott Baio.

By the time I was in high school, my room became a shrine to David Bowie. Tales of his ambiguous sexual orientation were my adult introduction to the concept of bisexuality. I was the last glitter-rock

Center

Contihued from Page 8

Office News. The Center is very happy to welcome back Sharon Thomas, the Living Room's Volunteer Coordinator. Sharon has been out following injuries suffered in a bad fall a few months ago. We missed you!

Aubrey Wertheim bears up well under

THAT'S THE SPIRIT. GINGER PUT A BRAVE FACE

ON IT WHO KNOWS? MAYBE YOU'LL CATCH THE

BRIDAL BOUQUET!

YOU USED TO

THINK I LOOKED

fag hag, and completely enamored of what I imagined to be a decadent gay culture.

But, I had no clue that I was a lesbian. I guess that being in love with a boy just threw me off. I did, however, have a very liberal attitude about human sexuality md all its diversity. This allowed me to accept my occasional interest in women. I really thought that nothing would ever come of

it.

his back-breaking work, but a desk chair with a back would help a lot. I think he's tired of getting stabbed by the bare metal bar. If you have desk chairs in good condition you can donate, Aubrey would appreciate a call right away! ▼

WHY DON'T

TA MA!

YOU GO CATCH

HOW DO I

GREAT, SPARROW. GIDGET GOES TO

WHERE

A YEAST INFECTION

Look?

A RITUAL

DID YOU GET

THAT?

...NO OUR BETROTHED COUPLE IS BREATHLESS WITH ANTICIPATION AS THEY PREBARE FOR THEIR CEREMONY...

CUTE IN JEANS.

THERE'S STILL TIME!

WE CAN JUST CALL EVERY ONE AND SAY WE'RE TERRIBLY SORRY BUT SOMETHING CAME UP

AND WE HAVE TO LEAVE TOWN!

BUT WHAT

ABOUT THE FIVE GALLONS OF BABA GANOUSH, AND ALL THOSE TOFU PUPS?

ADAM LENT IT TO ME. IT'S

HIS RADICAL FAERIE PARTY

FROCK ZIP ME UP?

SHIT I FORGOT WELL. I GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO GO THROUGH WITH IT, THEN

By the time I was through with my first year of college I had fallen madly in love with my best friend, Rachelle. I knew that I loved Rachelle from the moment I met her. But, I assumed we were really straight, and that my love for her would remain a lofty, unrequited, infatuation.

Over several months, however, we developed an unspoken romance. Unfortunately, I still had a boyfriend. I had been dating him for over a year, and we were all friends. My boyfriend would drop me off at my girlfriend's houseand vice-versa. I felt guilty, sick and exhausted for months. I lost twenty pounds. Eventually I realized I had to make a choice. Rachelle and I have been together for four years. We remained closeted for only a short time. We were fortunate enough to have found other lesbians before we really applied the word to ourselves. Shortly after we came out we were marching on Washington. At the time, we both still lived with our parents and we didn't have the luxury of sitting them down to discuss our relationship. Our own indiscretion outed us quickly and violently. And, what we assumed were unsuspecting grandparents caught a glimpse of us on national television at the 1987 March on Washington. What are the odds? There was very little support for either one of us at home. My father told me in great detail of his shame and disgust. He forbade my lover to enter his house. Rachelle's

brother threw her across the room-told her she would get AIDS. Her father didn't talk to her for months. Kinder family members chose to pretend it wasn't happening. Only her grandparents were truly accepting.

Luckily we found an active gay community and a little affirmation of our relationship. It didn't take long for me to get involved with The Center and the Chronicle. Since then we've both been fairly active members of the gay community.

I'm proud of who I am, and I love being a lesbian. I wouldn't want it any other way. My lesbianism is an undeniably important part of my identity. So, I'm out to anyone important in my life. And, although I don't make any grand announcements to mere acquaintances, I never compromise myself with strangers or co-workers. Any adult with the tiniest bit of perception knows I'm a lesbian.

I'm more at ease with my sexuality than I ever have been. A year ago I was unsure if I should use my full name in the Chronicle. A few weeks ago I never hesitated to use my name in the Plain Dealer. Coming out is a lengthy process with a multitude of stages. I hope that

a year from now, I'll be stronger, more active, and more uncompromising.▼

PRATER VIOLET

BOOKS OF INTEREST TO GAY MEN AND LESBIAN WOMEN

Evening Telephone Catalogue Orders

229-6156

THOUSANDS OF TITLES AS CLOSE AS YOUR TELEPHONE

VISA'

SPECTRUM

Therapy and Consultation Services

MasterCard

RANDY THOMAS GEARHART, M.S.S.A., CAC ROGER T. WHITE, M.S.W., ACSW Individual, Couple and Group Therapy

Madison Square Medical Building 15644 Madison Ave., Suite 211 Lakewood, Ohio 44107

(216) 521-8844

Never in the closet

by Ray. P. Triggs

How does one say I'm out? For some people, it is very easy, for others, it is the hardest thing in the world. I guess that is why we still have so many people in the closet to this very day. For me it was relatively easy because during my upbringing we were encouraged to have our own minds, feelings, and lifestyles.

I will say that I was never in the closet. I remember as early as the age of five I used to kiss the boys in kindergarden. Miss O'Brien, my kindergarden teacher, would tell me if I didn't stop she would bring a dress for me to wear. I didn't care too much for this idea then, and I hate it

even more now.

My parents and brothers and sister have always known that I was different even when growing up. My mother wouldn't let me go to summer camp for fear of the things that went on. Oh how I missed summer camp. I probably would have awakened a lot sooner. I never was to be a Boy Scout either-again, the fear of the actions that might go on there.

My first experience of finding out who I was came in high school. At this point I had never had that talk that all children get from their parents about the birds and the bees. I was naive to sex, I didn't even know how to masturbate. But there was guy who used to follow me home from school. We worked in the social studies department and we would talk. He would come in, I would do my chores and he would follow me around the house touching me on certain area of my body. This went on for three days. My mind would say there is something wrong with this boy but I would let it slide. Finally on the 4th day he kissed me in the mouth and I've been in heaven in the arms of a man ever since. I realized who I was at this time. I

"My mother would'nt let me go to summer camp for fear of the things that went on. Oh, how I missed summer camp."

had had dates with the neighborhood girls, copping a feel, looking up under their dresses and all the other things young men do with young women. I had never had sex with a woman until I graduated from high school, and the only reason for that was to see if I had really missed anything. I see I didn't miss anything. I have been a lover of men for years.

When I was in college I was the only open person on the campus. It was a small southeastern Ohio Catholic college. I wonder if that had anything to do with me being the only openly gay man there? My first summer home from school my mother made a reference to me that only boys were calling me. Was there a problem? and her last words were "Are you gay?" My reaction was there is no use lying, yes I am. This is when they finally admitted they had known all along as my father

joined in this conversation. My close aunts and uncles had assumed that I was gay so eventually the whole family knew. Over the years there love has not wavered.

There was really no need to come out to my friends because at this time most of them were gay. I had straight friends in college, 99 percent women, they loved it. All that the guys could say were, "there's that fag with all those girls. But it didn't stop them from coming up to me asking me to see if I could fix them up with one of the women I hung around with. It didn't stop the boys either from knocking on my

dorm door late at night for some extracirruclar activity. Some times it was hard being the only black gay male at a predominately white Catholic college that was not there on a basketball scholarship if you get my drift. I was put on academic probation for indescretions created by one of those basketball players and the matter of the fact was I wasn't doing anything except taking the harassment!

Being out means a lot to me. I would have a very hard time trying to live a lie. I don't lie very well and those who know me see it so I could never tell anyone I'm not. I do have the attitude that if you don't like it you'll get over it or will die trying. But then again what so hard about that. Being out has caused a few problems where jobs are concerned. I worked for the board of education for a while but that didn't last too long, due to rumors. Eventually we parted company. I worked for a brokerage firm in Washington D.C. My boss was a closet case of the worst kind. I found out he was part owner of a gay bar in Baltimore and other tidbits about his life and again I was in need of a job. I have worked for the New York Times, and as conservative as they are they have never given me any problems about my gayness, and being in the position of authority that I was at the time I came in contact quite a few people. Sometimes it has lot to do with how you carry yourself, and believe me it is not easy for me to hide all my traits, long, pretty-to-die for fingernails. Currently I'm doing very well, dating a marvelous man that I enjoy being with, and doing just about what I please. With Cleveland being my hometown I continue to see people I went to school with who assumed then and now know of me. There are still whispers from people when I appear in public but they have to deal with it. I am still a person and I've come to deal with it many year ago. It is their turn

now.